A Quiet Succession of Simple Nothings

Death Adder Females 3

2010-11-20T11:41:00.000-08:00

A Very New Year

2010-11-13T06:57:00.001-08:00

I am getting back on this dreadful medium for one very important reason; I am constantly away and my friends and family and those scarily curious acquaintances don't seem to know what is going on with me. So, just give a quick update:

I am currently in Ft. Benning, GA for Officer Candidate School. God willing, I will be graduating in about a week and a half as a 2LT in the United States Army. I will then be speed racering it to Ft. Huachuca, AZ for my MI BOLC class.

So, are we good and caught up?

Oh wait, I'm also married now. Oh, and I deployed to Iraq with the 1st Cav Div 2009-2010. Yeah, I think we're good.

Independence Day

2008-07-05T01:11:00.000-07:00

I watched fireworks tonight for all the guys who couldn't this year. I woke up early and walked across the park to see my small hometown put on one heck of a parade. As the classic show cars rolled by, I thought about the 4th of July last year - spent on the parade grounds on Ft. Leonard Wood, with 2,000 other soldiers. I remember saluting the flag as we said the pledge of allegiance and getting misty-eyed as the detachment performed the 21 gun salute and the band played TAPS. I thought about how the 4th would be spent next year. Surely, I will be thinking many of the same thoughts; how many people won't be around, the heat, my family, and missing sparklers terribly. I will probably send a portion of the day, closing my eyes and trying to remember what this year had been like.

Mitomyocin

2008-06-15T03:15:00.000-07:00

It seems like every couple of months, something new blows in with the wind and leaves me awake, widely aware of everything around me. The sun soaks my bones and the wind rushes hard against my face. This summer I am seeing everything with new eyes, literally (I just had PRK). I wonder how much of what I always thought I believed in, actually stands up to the reality that IS. This will be my last summer for a year, until I get back from my deployment in March. Maybe that is the reason for my savoring attitude. My new eyes itch against all the new experiences and scratch, but soon, they will be healed and I will be able to see the blue Texas sky and cotton ball clouds against prairie grass. This will be a great season.

The Roman Empire

2008-01-20T21:06:00.001-08:00

I was too tired to sleep and so began searching through and old book for the answer to one of my ever constant questions, when I found this note scribbled in the margin of the index. It was right next to "Roman Empire", which makes it even more interesting. I didn't remember writing it at first. The feeling of the poem was a memory, but not necessarily the words themselves. I must have been sixteen:

The sun set in blue and purple
and the fireflies danced against our feet.
orbs of light
flashing on
and off
again and again they flutter
and dip against the faltering breeze.
We dare to glance
a little sideways
at each other
hoping to find
the same delight
of twinkle and mind.
What was once the beginning
is soon the middle
as the spell of light breaks
and the citronella dies
the end moves quickly now
swift and somewhat painful
for the fairy lights will not survive
the night in the glass jars
with "mason" as their last memory.

-Just thought it was interesting and since no one reads these things anyways - it doesn't matter in the end. This blog is sort of like a boob job. It's not for anyone but me - right?

Friends

2008-01-17T21:36:00.000-08:00

So, I finally talked to a friend today that I hadn't spoken to in almost a year. In fact, the last time we traded barbs was at her wedding, which I was in. Yes, I am that friend. You know, the one who simply falls off the face of the earth at the most random moments. It was really good to hear her voice. We just picked it back up. I really think I should present all wouldbe friends with a document, stating all my bad-friend tendencies - the bizarre story-telling, boring play-by-play details of my day and weird off-the-wall comments. All of this is of course, in conjunction with my talent for disappearing. If you have any doubt, just ask Tammy Cox. She will be more than happy to back me up, I am sure. I do have a feeling that my unnamed dear friend and I will always maintain this pattern. We have known each other for way too long. I mean, when you have grown up with someone who KNOWS what you looked like as a fat kid, it's pretty impossible to surprise them with any behavior. She knows me too well to give me a hard time about my nonsense ways.

Trees

2007-12-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

So, when I finally came home for Christmas, after an 18 hour drive from Arizone (don't feel sorry for me - my Dad flew in for graduation and to drive me home, apparently), I saw a city full of dead, broken branches. While I was on our FTX (final requirement for graduation), Oklahoma had an ice storm. My nextdoor neighbor had temporarily moved in with my parents and our entire front yard was covered with apple tree branches. Never plant an apple tree, by the way, when they split from the cold - right down the middle. It's horrible. Anyway, the second piece of news I receive is from one of my best friends. She will not be in town while I am home, neither will three of my other close friends. Awesome. I guess all I am saying in my rant is that my life is covered with broken apple tree branches and all I want to do is go home.

2007-12-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

I finally did it. I finished Intel School. I am finally in the place I have wanted to be, but feared I never would. It is a strange feeling to see things come true. What a wonderful thing, to see dreams become reality. Often, we are not able to realize our dreams. Maybe it's because we dream of unrealistic things; fame, wealth, outrageous love, rather than things we really can attain. Real goals keep us focused and motivated. Without them, we would just be left sitting on the couch, watching Opra (God help me) and eating potato chips. Now, I am not one to judge (harshly that is), so if that happens to be one of your goals, than congratulations, job well done. But, if you even think about changing your life - do it. Get up and throw your hat in.

The songs (so far) of 2007 that you should listen to.

2007-11-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

The best songs of this year...so far -
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - "Half-Awake (Deb)"
Spoon - "You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb"
Andrew Bird - "Simple X"
Bright Eyes - "Tourist Trap"
Field Music - "Working to Work"
Field Music - "Kingston"
The Clientele - "Winter on Victoria Street"
Lucky Soul - "One Kiss Don't Make a Summer"
The Autumn Defense - "This Will Fall Away"
Bears - "You Can Tell"
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - "Emily Jean Stock"
Studio - "No Comply"
Centro-matic - "Atlanta"
Of Montreal - "Suffer For Fashion"

From Home to home

2007-11-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

I sat for an hour - waiting to board my flight. To my right, two Korean women - one old with laugh wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, the other much younger - maybe 20 or 21. She hugged her Sanrio Hello Kitty tote and nuzzled her Mother as they watched a movie on her iPod. To my left, an older couple sat, trying to figure out how to work their brand new cell phone. They probably received it from their middle son, Stanley, who probably worked at the lead accounting firm in the city. They listened to every ring - twice.

2007-11-24T00:46:00.001-08:00

I traveled all night to come home. I waited behind stupid, slow civilians and thought of the way my Parents' house was going to smell as I walked through the door. I opened my eyes during the last flight and held my breath when the plane skidded across the airstrip. All I could think was, "Home." I walked as fast as I could towards baggage and looked for my Parents. They were waiting for me. They drove me home and my Dad cooked me eggs. It was 0425.

Do as I Do

2007-04-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

I remember going through that phase during and right after college, where I thought that all conversation had to be meaningful and intellectual. I would sit around with friends for hours and hours talking about politics and the wonderful aspects of socialism...and to what avail? Well, I guess I now know where I stand on most issues (we covered a lot of ground in six years), but the only real thing to come of it was my complete lack of interest regarding anything having to do with the society, which surrounds me. Do I really want to sit around for hours trying to figure out why this group is a certain way and how, as a community, we can "fix them"? No way. I guess I've just come to believe that all we can do, "as a community (insert moviephone voice)" to help along some kind of rehabilitation is to follow the old proverb of "love thy neighbor". Am I still going to be crapped on by society? Yes. Absolutely. But, the way I see it, people change when they want to. You cannot persuade anyone to change their core beliefs through some sort of diplomacy or policy - please. People are and always have been led by example. It's like guiding a child - if they grow up thinking it's okay to run around naked, they'll continue to do so well into adulthood...wait...I guess they're called nudists. Hmmm...well, you get my point, I hope.

Top Ten

2007-04-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

The Following are the top ten songs of 2006 (in my opinion, of course). They are in no specific order - LISTEN TO THEM ALL!

1. Beirut - "Rhineland"
2. Camera Obscure - "Let's Get Out of This Country"
3. Rock Votolato - "White Daisy Passing"
4. The Flaming Lips - "Mr. Ambulnce Driver"
5. Neko Case - "Star Witness"
6. Lily Allen - "Littlest Things"
7. MIKA - "Grace Kelley"
8. Golden Smog - "Long Time Ago"
9. Au Revoir Simone - "Through the Backyards"
10. Bob Dylan - "Spirit on the Water"

Truth

2007-04-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering a lot about God lately. Not his existence, but more what a relationship with him entails. My last semester at SNU (whoo!), I took a class called Spiritual Devotional Classics. We read famous spiritual classics regarding "the dark night of the soul" and "interial castle(s)". I learned so much from that class about what a believer really is that for the first time ever, I feel like I am in a wonderful place. The problem I am running into, however, is the adjustment that I apparently need to make between my new world and the habits of the old. It might seem like something very simple and a situation easily solved, but it's not. It's very hard to figure out how much of what I believe is constricted by what I have grown up to understand as christian fundamentals and how to mold that with what I really feel to be true. All I know is - Gods love transcends any human understanding. All he asks is that I love him and others more than myself. I think I can do that. All I need to figure out now is what the loving him entails - love is more than words right? It's actions...so I guess when I figure out what the plan is, I'll let you all know.

The Bachelor

2007-04-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

Yes. I am writing about the crappy television show, which sucks so many of the female race into its fly trap every Monday night, that even I cannot help flipping the station to the madness. It has a strange hold over me. No matter how badly I talk about the show, I can't stop watching it. It's sort of like a bad car crash that you stare at as you pass, secretly hoping to see a little blood on the asphalt. OOOOh, is that too much honesty? Ah, well. The logical part of me sees the show for what it is; the glorification of the misogynistic condition of the American dating tradition. BUT, I also want to believe in love. I wish I could blame it on the fact that I'm a girl, but that just perpetuates the problem, doesn't it? So, I am forced to blame it on the fact that I have a melancholy temperament and I refuse to not believe in the hope of all things. Anyhow, this is a cry for help from me to you...PLEASE HELP ME KICK THE BACHELOR!

Twilight

2007-04-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

The best part of the day is that hour or so before sunset. Even if it is a bit hot still, the coolness of the shade in my backyard casts an otherworldly glow about the place. Last night, I walked out and sat in the hammock at the yard's edge and slowly rocked. Lying down, with my face to the sky, I saw the leaves at the very top sway back and forth and was reminded of what my Dad had said just the afternoon before. He said he always wondered at the trees. How could something so slight as the very tallest and thickest of tree trunks hold up all that height and weight. "It is amazing to behold," he said.
It is so easy to forget one's place in the wheel of it all. Things (bad and good) are always passing us by. We have learned to just grin and bare it all to the point we are too busy holding our breath that it just slips through our fingers like sand. We become stationary, believing it will bring us strength. But in the end, we have allowed society's lobotomy to render us weak.

I think I might give myself a heart attack

2007-04-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I woke up today to find that the emails I had sent out to Fox News, CNN and a few friends at the Green Party had all definitely had the impact I had expected. For instance, not only did I receive the posts that they had all been opened, and presumably read, but I received nonsense emails back from the sources of our admired media. Mr. Hannity's producer said he had wanted to read my rant on his show, but I had been a little hard on some conservative leaders in U.S. politics. The press manager for CNN told me my letter was "well-written and clear to a point, but" I had apparently pissed them off because I pulvarized a few too many liberal congressmen. Okay, I ask you - how easy of a target is a politician who hides bribe money in his freezer under the guise that it's a lasagna. I mean, how many men do you know make homemade lasagna just for themselves, let alone know how to make it. Whatever. I guess my essay will be published in a Green newsletter, so that's good. It's just so frustrating to write what you feel and know to be true and then have it ho hummed. I am so sorry they didn't like to hear the truth. Everyone knows that politicians in general are shady and totally corrupted and pathetic. And why is this so? Why? Because they are a product of our society. We, as a group, are sad and a complete waste. I just wonder why people have given up trying to find the truth. More so, why have we as a society given up the standards that we proclaim to believe in? Black is black and white is white, but we forget that gray is still gray. It doesn't take on different definitions of being, simply because it is a blend of the two main colors. Gray doesn't mean - go with the flow.

a soldier's response

2007-04-03T13:44:00.000-07:00

redemption

2007-03-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

So, I have been reading Thomas Hardy, which is never a good idea when you're already feeling melancholy, but nonetheless, I can never help myself. This time it was The Mayor of Casterbridge, which of course, if you have read it is very reminiscent of ANY Russian Literature - OKAY ENGLISH NERD ASIDE - "What is redemption and can you ever truly have it?" was the thought running through my head nearly the entire time. Is redemption like socialism, great in theory, but bad in practice? See, redemption is tricky. One's redemption depends on the forgiveness and mercy of those surrounding him. So, what if per chance, you are granted a second go - can you really overcome your past, when those around you won't let you? Still another - can you truly receive redemption if your same, old human flaws are still in place? Won't you just go down the same road again (uhum...Mayor of Casterbridge)? These questions are killing me. See, I am a negative optimist - hopelessly pragmatic, but with just enough happy to make me nonsensical at times. I want to believe in redemption - that at the end of Magnolia, each of the characters will find their way and make good with their second chances...but I don't know. I guess I just want to believe that once you have seen the truth, you can never live amongst lies again. And, if you find yourself in the same dark place again that you will be able to see it for what it truly is and pull yourself out. The scary thing is, regardless of scenario, true redemption does lay in the area surrounding each individual. Yes, you can experience a personal second chance, but unless those people around you choose to acknowledge the change, the lease will never be allowed. Sorry, I just wonder about these things.

number 1

2007-03-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

It seems like life slows a bit, the older you get, I mean. Or, maybe it has just slowed for me. I look around and wonder when everything became so hard. All the rules we used to play by as children have altered and now, we can't even say, "I have to go pee." We must say, " I have to go use the restroom." What a load of crap. Now, I am not a proponent of crassness and vulgarity. For instance, as a child, I was not allowed to call my favorite blanket my "blankie" or going potty "going wee wees". My parents didn't speak to us in baby talk, so we were not allowed to speak back in such a tongue. I wonder if there is a happy medium between this crass "baby-talk" and refined speech. Can you be a grown-up and still pee, or do you have to start "powdering your nose - freshening-up"? All I know is if I am ever in your home and I ask you where the water closet is, just flush me.

you can never go home again

2007-01-13T02:12:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think about when you were a kid? I always think about the summer. My brother and I would ride our bikes around the neighborhood and pretend we were going on a great journey...so great that we needed water bottles. We would ride all the way to the closest 7/11, each buy an icy and if we had enough money - our Mom a rose. You know, the ones they sell all by themselves with the little capsule of water attached at the end. We would try to balance these prized beverages on the tops of our handlebars all the way home, while one of us was in charge of keeping the rose from harm. We were so free and safe. The hot cement would stab at us from the sides of our flip flops and our shirts would sag with perspiration. I always think of my brother and me like this - innocent and playful - unafraid of the future and all that adulthood brings. I don't know, I catch myself wishing I could go back to that moment and feel the icy going down my thoat and the sun on my shoulders - knowing that Adam was with me and unconcerned about anything else. We were a pair - riding our bikes home, icies in hand and a rose sticking up from someone's back pocket.

is it called airsickness, or skybound sea sickness

2006-10-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

So, last night I finally flew into OK city at 12:45...in the morning! The flight had been delayed so many times that I was just grateful to get on at Denver (that airport is cold. AND, they don't have any good places to grub. AND, there aren't that many weirdos roaming around inside of it - what am I suppose to look at for four hours, while my flight is delayed?). So, I'm sitting there, on the plane, when I catch a whiff of perfume that sends me back to the fourth grade - my gifted and talented teacher (gifted and talented refers to the class, not my teacher) used to fill the room with the smell. I was sitting pretty in nostalgia until I remembered why it has been filed away in my memory as bittersweet - the odor becomes pungent after awhile. If I may clarify, the aroma is a mixture of 45 year old woman with four packs a day nicotine oozing out of her leathery skin and mixing into her Chanel number 5. Intoxicating at first, but yes, inevitably, revolting. I sat and ignored the smell and attempted to finish the last chapter of my book (Homeland - Kingsolver - check it out) with the collar of my coat pressed against my face. Sure enough, this isn't the last ingredient of United flight 508's witch's brew. No, the man in front of me had to take off his shoes and lay down (our flight was practically empty, so we were able to enjoy the almost unheard of perk). His feet smelled like a third world country. I just pulled my collar tighter around my face and concentrated on my book and music. No sooner had I put my completed book away and lied down, but the seat belt lights came on and the captain said we were about to have a small amount of turbulence. So, almost on cue, the entire plane began to shake and stayed as such until we landed twenty-orso minutes later. The entire time, I am cursing the heavens and wondering, "Why God?" When I realized, he wasn't being silent - he was laughing at me, because I am such a snobby traveler. I mean, so okay, I am. I don't wont to hear idiot people with their idiot voices asking where the bathroom is. Duh! It's in the back. Man, I am a horrible person, but this is a true story (boring, but true).

when the daisies are plucked and the earth is plowed

2006-10-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

5 girls dead in Amish school shooting
By MARK SCOLFORO, Associated Press Writer 16 minutes ago
Two more of the girls shot in a massacre at their Amish schoolhouse died early Tuesday, raising the death toll to six .. five children and the 32-year-old gunman, who apparently was spurred by a decades-old grudge.

Five other girls remained hospitalized, four in critical condition, though state police spokeswoman Linette Quin said the survivors were "coming along very well."

The two girls who died, ages 7 and 9, had "very severe injuries," she said.

The attack on the tiny, one-room schoolhouse amid the farm fields of Lancaster County was the nation's third deadly school shooting in less than a week, and it led the Bush administration to call for a school violence summit within days to discuss possible federal action to help communities prevent violence and deal with its aftermath.

Authorities said Charles Carl Roberts IV, a milk truck driver and father of three who lived in the area, wrote what appeared to be suicide notes before taking guns and an estimated 600 rounds of ammunition to the tiny school.

Roberts did not appear to be targeting the Amish, though, state police Commissioner Jeffrey B. Miller said Tuesday. He said Roberts apparently chose the school because he was bent on killing young girls as a way of "acting out in revenge for something that happened 20 years ago."

From the notes Roberts left behind and the telephone calls he made, it was clear he was "angry at life, he was angry at God," Miller said. Co-workers said his mood had darkened in recent weeks, but suddenly brightened over the weekend, Miller said.

"A few days before the shooting a weight was lifted," Miller said Tuesday.

When Roberts drove to the school, he had clearly prepared, Miller said. Police said Roberts had supplies for a lengthy siege, including three guns, a stun gun, two knives, a pile of wood and a bag with 600 rounds of ammunition, police said. He also had a change of clothing, toilet paper, bolts and hardware, and rolls of clear tape, and he backed a truck up to the schoolhouse.

"We know in speaking to the teacher that he walked in, he had a gun in his hand and he began to speak to the students: 'Have you ever seen this?'" Miller told ABC's "Good Morning America" Tuesday morning.

"Obviously the teacher was very concerned right away," Miller said. "He wasn't agitated, but he was very serious about what he was doing, and methodical in how he separated students, allowed certain people to leave, and then began to bind the female students he had at the blackboard.

"They weren't able to get away. They were basically standing, bound to each other, their legs were bound together. They couldn't run away from that location."

Roberts released about 15 boys, a pregnant woman and three women with infants, then barred the doors with desks and wood and secured them with nails, bolts and flexible plastic ties, police said.

The teacher and another adult fled to a nearby farmhouse, and authorities were called at about 10:30 a.m. Miller said Roberts apparently called his wife from a cell phone at around 11 a.m., saying he was taking revenge for an old grudge.

Shortly after police arrived, they heard gunshots. The girls had been shot execution style, and the gunman was dead, Miller said.

"It seems as though he wanted to attack young, female victims," Miller said.

He said Roberts had lost a daughter in recent years, and that that also may have been a factor.

"This is a horrendous, horrific incident for the Amish community," Miller said. "They're solid citizens in the community. They're good people. They don't deserve ... no one deserves this."

The names of the children were not immediately released.

Of the injured, a 6-year-old girl remained in critical condition and a 13-year-old girl was in serious condition at Penn State Children's Hospital, spokeswoman Buehler Stranges said. Three other girls, ages 8, 10 and 12, were flown to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, where they were out of surgery but in critical condition, spokeswoman Peggy Flynn said.

The Amish traditions of simple living, including the lack of phones in the school, complicated the situation for police responding to the attack and for the families.

Many of the parents refused to fly in planes and had to be driven to see their children at hospitals, which made identifications difficult, Miller said. He said some families were taken to the wrong hospitals amid the confusion.

In a statement released to reporters, Roberts' wife, Marie, called her husband "loving, supportive and thoughtful."

"He was an exceptional father," she said. "He took the kids to soccer practice and games, played ball in the backyard and took our 7-year-old daughter shopping. He never said no when I asked him to change a diaper."

"Our hearts are broken, our lives are shattered, and we grieve for the innocence and lives that were lost today," she said. "Above all, please pray for the families who lost children and please pray too for our family and children."

The attack bore similarities to a deadly school shooting last week in Bailey, Colo., but Miller said he believed the Pennsylvania attack was not a copycat crime. "I really believe this was about this individual and what was going on inside his head," he said.

This, of course, is extremely tragic and you are all probaby cursing me for posting this and reminding you, once again, that the world can be a dark and sad place. I was talking to a friend about it last night and she askes the age old question: "Where was God." "Where was God," I asked back. God is in the cornfields and dirt. He is in the sky and in the wind at our backs. When God created us, he didn't promise to make sure we all lived full and happy lives. He promises the hope of an everlasting life. A life filled with freedom and liberty to think and love. With this freedom comes consequences and "bad" people. Of course, she got pissed at me and told me I always "feel" with my head, instead of my heart. Of course, I didn't get hurt or annoyed, but I started thinking about what she said and the implications that follow. All I know is that when I heard the story I started crying. I couldn't stop. The epitome of what is evil in our world stole from the epitome of what is innocent. Little AMISH girls. What a tragedy. I find it interesting that the girls were Amish and I watch in wonder at the Amish community. If a people dedicated to the revulsion of violence and modernity can keep the love of God in their focus and not the evil that was just handed to them on a platter, than surely, surely I can suck up my bad attitude and at times hatefulness - yes, hatefulness. There needs to be a call to this generation and respective world. We should stop offering up the rhetorial "Why me?" and ask the reasonable, "Why me?" What will you do with what you have been given?

The Beautiful Game

2006-06-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

My entire life, it has been the same story; Americans don't play futbol, they play football. What in the hell does that mean? I am watching the 2006 FIFA World Cup final as we speak and all I can derive from its being on ABC Sports is that "whew...good thing its not football season". Would they still air the game on a national channel if it was "football" season? Who's to say...wait a sec' - Me - I'm to say. Therefore, I declare that the mainstream sports media is not much different than their breaking news counterparts. They are all soulless and without any taste or intelligence. Huhmm... Now that I have that off my chest, I would like to address just a few more things:

(1) Where is Nip/Tuck? I mean, when is this supposed new seaon going to begin? Yes, though a guilty pleasure, it does have valid points of entertainment.

(2) Is Scarlett Johanssen the new Mia Farrow for my Woody? Mr. Allen seems to be infatuated with the young beauty. I wonder if she will be the next Mrs....

(3) Anyone who says they like new-age punk is either retarded, or just a little confused. Punk is punk is punk. If they cannot name more than 5 Clash songs - that's right, I said "The Clash", not "The Ramones" - You can't get away with saying, "Uh, I Wanna Be Sedated" - then they really have no idea what punk is. Now I am being easy on you posers. The Clash is just a base. C'mon, dig deep.

(4) "Panties" should be taken out of the dictionary, as well as our familiar lexicon. It is a terribly sexist word and in this pc world, we can't afford to piss off the women. Why is it a "bad" word? Well, why do I have panties and a guy wears underwear? Hmmm...try and answer that quandry without feeling like a masoginist.

Okay, last but not least...

(5) If you happen to wander into a restaurant to eat, tip at least 18 percent - your servers have to eat too.

Sunny Days

2006-05-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

ometimes, on sunny days, I try to hide inside. Not because I am allergic to its rays, or afraid of its happy attitude, but because sometimes, on sunny days, I wish for a little peace from the bright weather happiness. I wish for the solitude and calming affects of the rain. Besides, what can be better than to actually feel the world, dripping onto your nose?
-It has been a weird week, full of what could have beens and what really is. Maybe that's really why I hope for a little rain. It always picks up my mood a little.

On another note: last night, I waited on this famous golfer named Fuzzy something. He was the one, who a couple of years back, said after Tiger Woods's big Masters win that they would be having chitlins for dinner - a real racist codger. He was old and ornery - you know, the dirty old man type. He was so much fun. All night he kept asking me to "sign his balls" for him. (He was signing golf balls) My friend dared me to go in the room and ask him if I could have any of his balls - and I did! His face got white and the entire room (full of golfers) burst into laughter. It was so embarassing, but at least I got the better of him. ===== just another pointless story.

Mederma For Kids

2006-01-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

So, I am feeling pretty under the weather lately - I have bronchitis. Ugh. I have been thinking lately about the past and friendships. It's funny how we think we have grown up so much and all the things done to us in the past are over and unable to cause us pain anymore. But, the funny thing is, we are human and so, unable to forget past trials. We can "move-on" and forgive those things, but we can never pretend they never happened - because they did! Hurt is that impossible scar that we can cover-up with make-up, or pretend we don't notice. But it is there, and everyone can see it. Its like the scar on my left knee that I got from falling off a short cliff during a hike. I forget its there, because it's always covered up. But when I'm sitting wherever - bored - and look down at my bare knee, I see the memory and can almost feel the rocks against my leg. I wish I knew how to be the bigger person and "let it all go", but alas, I am the same size I was a week ago, and progress seems hopeless.
In less than a week, I will be twenty-five years old. I always thought things would be so different by now. I always expected another life. Funny, I can actually say I like the one I have right now - or more, I like where I am going now. I don't want to just sit idlily by, writing verse and wishing I could change things. I am glad that I am finally on the road to fufillment. I just want to be a part of it all. If I can suceed in that, then I have a feeling the scar will slowly fade.